I know it’s not politically correct to even say the word “stupid” anymore, but in the good old days teachers used to tell us “there are no stupid questions”, when clearly, there were.

I myself have asked many stupid questions – they include:

- Will that hurt?
- How many times do I have to tell you kids to be quiet?
- Are you sure don’t need the bathroom?

But I have to admit that since I started writing, I have been on the receiving end of, if not stupid, then at least annoying questions. Some of them have to do with my own insecurity; but most of them have to do with WTF?

So, if you would really like to annoy a writer, here are some surefire questions/statements to do just that. I’ve thoughtfully provided you with some likely unspoken answers/responses which are likely running through the author’s head.

- Do you work as well as write?
Yes I also talk as well as think. You might like to try that one day.

- I’m going to write a book one day. I’m just too busy working.
Yes well thank goodness I can live on water and air so don’t have to worry about the drudgery of doing actual, real work. I can just write.

- Is your book any good?
No it’s crap. I’d buy the new Stephanie Meyers if I were you.

- Should I buy your book?
No, it’s not like I put much effort into it anyway. I’ll probably have to get a real job soon.

- You’re not going to charge me full price are you? I know you.
I’ll just send my kids over to your house to eat when we run out of food, okay MOM?

- Do you think I should write a book?
Sure if you’re this interesting verbally, it would be great to write it down so you can bore generations to come.

- Is it hard to write a book?
It depends if you have something to say. So, in your case…

- My husband/wife/daughter/dog is going to write a book one day.
Congratulations. I’ll be holding my breath waiting for it, like the rest of the world.

- My first book is written, I’m just trying to decide which publisher I want to send it to.
Well goodness knows they’re all sitting around waiting for unsolicited, unagented manuscripts to come in – no one ever sends them anything.

Mostly I feel really lucky to be a writer, and to have found a publisher who is willing to stand behind me and my “work”.

Because it’s only “work” if you’d rather be somewhere else, and there’s no where else I’d rather be than in the position to answer these questions.