When award winning high profile national television anchor Lisa LaFlamme posted a video last week describing how she had been dumped by her network after 30 years, Canadians collectively gasped. And then stories started circulating this week that part of the firing may have been due to the fact that after years of dyeing her hair brunette, Lisa had decided to let her fabulous grey hair fly. Grey hair? On an anchor? Oh sure itβs fine if your first name is Lloyd, or Peter, or Knowlton, but not, apparently, when itβs Lisa. Women everywhere collectively gasped. And, for the record, Lisa is 58, a decade or two younger than those guys when they chose their own retirement.
Like many women during the heavy stages of lockdown, our βCovid Hairβ took on looks we hadnβt seen in a while. Longer, looser, greyerβ¦we all had to embrace a new way of managing our hair or succumb to our teenagers having a good hack at it, and maybe depending on drugstore dye boxes. I was lucky that my hi-light lo-light dyed blonde hair didnβt show the growing grey streak very much, but I had many friends who had dyed darker hair who were vexed by what to do with the growing skunk stripe. A lot of women started embracing their natural grey and white hair. It was a bit of a revolution and a revelation. And I saluted them for it. I didnβt join them, but I saluted them. As soon as the salons were open, I got my hair dyed blonde again. I like it. No judgement for those who stopped dyeing, and I hope no judgement for those of us who carried on.
I did have many friends tell me to let my grey grow in, particularly as I work in the grandma market (I host a radio show and podcast called Go-To Grandma). But I just didnβt want to. And Iβll tell you why. I think it makes me look older. At the ripe young age of 59, I simply didnβt want to look 69. My hair, my choice.
This same week that the LaFlamme story caught fire, coincidentally, I interviewed Dr. Kerry Byrne, an adjunct professor at the University of Waterloo, and a researcher in aging, care and connection. We had connected originally over her website, the Long Distance Grandparent, which helps grandparents stay in touch with their grandchildren who donβt live close. But on this occasion, I was talking to Kerry about ageism. Specifically ageism and grandparenting, and how grandparents impact their grandchildrenβs impression of older people, as they are typically the first experience their grandkids have with this demographic.
Kerry shared some interesting statistics with me about ageism, which we mostly hear about in reference to a workplace environment. But itβs everywhere. What was most interesting to me was what Kerry termed βself-directed ageismβ. This is, simply, the fact that we inflict ageist views upon ourselves. How many times do we say, βIβm too old for thatβ, or βIβm having a senior moment.β? She quoted a recent study out of Belgium which showed that self-directed ageism and self-directed ageist thoughts could take as much as seven and a half years off of your life. Talk about your self-fulfilling prophecies.
The average age a Canadian becomes a grandparent is 51 for women and 54 for men. I was 56 when I became a grandma for the first time, and I felt it was on the young side. Yet, I still made remarks about my βoldβ age.
It made me wonderβ¦how can we accuse others of ageism when we say it to ourselves, about ourselves?
I started thinking about my role as a grandparent and whether dyeing my hair was a form of self-directed ageism that I might passively be passing on to my young grandkids.
Iβm not an overthinker. And so I quickly decided I donβt think it is.
As a person in media, my βlookβ or my βbrandβ is important, not only to me, but to the outlets and the sponsors who hire me. I was once offered a campaign with an injectable (Botox competitor), but I declined it, as part of the campaign was not only promoting it, but doing it. Iβve never done an injectable. I just donβt want to. Itβs not part of who I am. Blonde hair dye? Yep. Make up? Yep. Facials, anti-aging creams, eyebrow waxes, upper lip waxes and maybe the occasional photo filter? Yep. Thatβs me. Thatβs my brand. Just me. You? In the wise words of my Millennial kids, You Do You. But be comfortable with it. Feel good about yourself.
As PSY and Suga say, βDo what you wanna. That that I like that.β It should have nothing to do with age.
Iβm sorry that Lisa has been treated so unfairly in such an overt misogynistic and ageist way.
Iβm also sorry that one of my first thoughts was βI knew she shouldnβt have let her hair go grey.β
I have work to do. We all have work to do. It starts here, and it starts with us.
You can catch my full conversation with Dr. Kerry Byrne on Episode #55 of Go-To Grandma, airing on Zoomer Radio at 7:30am on August 27th, or on the podcast from August 30th.