As a fairly frequent flier, there are some things that I’d like to present to the head offices of airlines everywhere.
None of this is revolutionary, yet neither has it been adopted (to my knowledge) on a full scale by any airline.

  • Instead of the drink and food cart, which takes forever to get to your seat row, and clogs up the whole aisle
    when you’re regretting that last burrito at the Cancun airport, the on screen touch menu. The cart system also
    forces you order food and drink when you don’t necessarily want it, but you know they’re probably not coming
    back again. With this new method, you choose the food and drinks you want off your screen, swipe or tap your
    credit card, and the flight attendant delivers it to you. This is not absurd. I took a Virgin Airlines debut
    flight from Toronto to San Francisco about ten years ago, and they did it then. It’s possible, and it’s
  • Reward the flight attendants with a commission for the food and drinks they sell. This would hopefully result in
    them being more proactive in serving, and eliminate us feeling like a begging alcoholic when we hit that flight
    attendant button for a second tiny bottle of chardonnay. It might be better to reward them more for food and
    non-alcoholic drinks, than alcohol, to avoid obvious problems in flight.
  • Charge for carry on while still allowing the first checked bag on for free. Okay, calm down everyone! Let’s face
    it, carrying your bags on is now a luxury. You know your suitcase is going to arrive, and you won’t have to wait
    for hours with fingers crossed at the carousel for your bag to appear. Even a $25 fee would be enough to cause a
    good percentage of passengers to say no way, and to check that bag. This would free up the time that flight
    attendants spend trying to fit the suitcases in the overhead bins like a mad game of Tetrus, and to focus on how
    they are going to make more food and drink commission.
  • Board from the back. I mean, how obvious is this. It would be more efficient in so many ways. First of all, you
    could store your bags closer to your seat and avoid the “back seaters” from stuffing a bag into the front
    section of the plane. Secondly, economy fliers don’t have to walk past the smug first class and business class
    passengers who are trying desperately hard not to be smug, but they are. And of course you just have to walk
    past people while facing them, thus cutting down on the potentially covid-y air being passed between all of you.
  • Pets. Okay, full disclosure. I don’t have any pets, and saying I’m not a pet lover is putting it mildly. But
    just like the notion of a “no kid” flight that keeps getting floated, what about a “Pets Included” flight so
    those of you who want to bring your emotional support Canada Goose on the plane can do so without setting off
    the allergies of unsuspecting and ignorant seat mates, or just know that you’re “with your people”.
  • Assume everyone wants two of those tiny wine bottles. Sell them as a BOGO (buy one get one), for the sake of
    every dry passenger. And think of the commission potential.
  • Reward good gate waiting behaviour. Playing YouTube videos without headphones? Sitting in handicapped seating
    when you’re not? Lining up for your Zone number an hour before you are supposed to or pretending you didn’t know
    you were Zone 4 when Zone 2 is boarding? Hassling a gate attendant because the flight you’re scheduled on is
    cancelled due to the fact that it doesn’t pass the safety checks and the airline doesn’t want 200 people to die
    in a fiery crash? You get either promoted to a better seat just by not being an arse. (It’s harder for some
    people than you think.)

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